Thursday, November 12, 2009 >>6:15 PM



Hello there! Exams are finally over and i'm officially blogging again. This video here is 2PM's new released MV called heartbeat. The starting of the song ain't very catchy, but if you listen to it more often, you'll get addicted to the the beat of the rhythm. Well, that was what happened to me anyways, i even named my blog after the song!

Somehow, even if the exams are over, i still don't feel... free. I don't know why, but i just don't feel... happy. Something is wrong with me.

Alright, here's a story for you people and i hope its entertaining enough.

I have this friend. The kind, funny and sweet friend. She would always manage to make my day from gloomy to bright by just talking to me. How could this good friend of mine go through such pain and misery when she was the one that gave happiness to people's lives. I really don't know what to do anymore. I don't have the power and capability to even shed a tear for her. Why am i not crying when other people immediately break into tears the moment the sight of her came? Was it because i'm a heartless person that really is like a rock? NO. I'm not. Why cry? I mean, it will bring down other people surrounding and it really can't help anything. If crying could save her from all the suffering she's going through, i would cry my life out, no doubt. But the fact that crying WILL not serve any purpose than to ruin people's day. So, not crying is one way for me to support her and to make her days of living a little bit better.

How exactly did i know this person? Very easy, primary school. We were in the same class several times and we talked quite alot. Until a few years back when she moved down my road. We became closer then.Fast forward to 2006, where we carpooled to go and back from school. Always having great conversations in the car and never felt like a traffic jam would get to anything. 2007, we were in the same class. We became EVEN closer. I would go to her house to have some fun and she would come to my house at night to study and watch some sappy hong kong drama with me. Until 2008, where we went out more often with each other and had more fun with each other. By the end of August 2008, she kept having pain, chronic pain on her left thigh, and thats when the world came down on her.

I just want to let her know how much i care for her. But somehow, whenever i see her, i become speechless. Unable to say anything. Why? Is it the shock from seeing her in that condition? Was i overwhelmed until speechless? I really don't know. I wanted to convey how i felt for her, but she was in so much pain, anything i said wouldn't have made a difference. Seeing her with an oxygen mask, the heartbeat thingi and her constant cries to her mom on how pain it was, it was really hard for me to hold back the tears from coming. But, i managed to and felt proud for not bursting in front of her. Her feet was awfully bloated and she looked so frail lying on that bed with the roll of towel by the side of her head.

She's my friend and i never thought something like that would ever occur to anyone in my life. But now, it's all coming down to me as if i'm in a show. They said treatment wouldn't help in recovering anymore. What bullshit is that? BULL! She was already on her way to recovery. but it attacked again. Why must cancer cells be so aggresive? FOR FREAKING SAKE, SHE WAS RECOVERING!

My every heartbeat represents the hope that she will get better and be how she used to be. Her very existence changed a big portion of my life and i would never really know fun if it wasn't for her. I do believe in miracles and i hope God would be on her very side to protect her. I refuse to believe she can't be saved anymore.

My heartbeat, it's beating for you, for sure.

I love you, Chandni.

Oh dear, here comes the tears. After so long.

Labels: 2pm, chandni