Let me try describing. Have you ever did something that you were so accustomed to already, to the extent that it became part of your daily routine? Imagine that being stripped away from you. You'd feel odd right? Like, this emptiness in your heart that can never really be patched back, or atleast, takes a lifetime to patch it back and grow accustomed to another way of life? That's exactly how i feel.

Talking to jian zhong, be it by sms-ing, or on the phone or even on skype, became something that was normal to me, something that i grew accustomed to. Every little minor thing, like maybe i can't take a dump for the day, or i banged my toe on the wardrobe, or my dad teasing me of being fat, no doubt he would be the first person i would turn to and tell, and he would immediately reply, even if not immediately, at least an hour i sent out the message. I would always turn to him if i had problems with anything, like with my iphone or issues with my parents, and he'll hear me out and try to help me the best way he can. Even at night in the wee hour, he would randomly call me, and i would somehow magically wake up to answer his call.

I won't get all these anymore. My necessity was stripped away from me. Yesterday, i managed to send him off at the airport. I had some tears then, but i only truly released everything out when i was home. Not to exaggerate, but i really cried on for the rest of the day. I never knew it would impact me like that. Like how messaging him every minute was something normal for me? Today, i only managed to chat with him on whatsapp for a while. Not even 10 messages. And when he arrived at Brighton? Only managed to skype call with him once, when he was settled down in his room.

I went to college today to sell off my old books to juniors that were buggers because they kept bargaining for the books to be much cheaper. The whole time, i felt this emptiness inside of me, because on a normal daily basis, either he would be there with me, or he'll be messaging me often. But today, nada. Nothing. Because he was probably asleep, due to the difference of time zone.

It sucks, it really does. When i was at the airport, i really wanted to ask him to not go, but that would be selfish of me. I can only imagine things would be worse by the time i'm at Melbourne. Bigger time gap.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what to feel nor what to think. Every hour or so, i would hide myself in my room, smell his shirt and play the musical box that he gave me. I miss him that much. And it's only been a day. With my mentality now, i don't know how am i gonna get accustomed to this anymore.

What do i do?

I love this noob so much. I never knew him not being here would affect me this much. I'm even crying as i type this.

I love you jian zhong.